Skepsos's skepsis

Godconscious

Posted in Skepsos by skepsos on April 16, 2010

This is a true personal confession: whenever I hear someone mention god, I feel embarressed on their behalf.
I’m not sure if there are other people who have this as well, or even understand what I’m talking about. I’ve never heard anyone else mention it, but I’ve had this deep feeling of silly shame whenever the word ‘god’ gets mentioned, ever since my childhood.

At the time I didn’t quite know what it was and I have to think really hard on where and how it started and I can’t remember.
Which is unfortunate: because if more people would feel a slight humilitation about religion, perhaps there would be less believers.
I grew up in a completely secular family and secular society. But in school it was compulsary to learn about religion – the christian one. I do remember we had our first lessons when I was about 7 or 8 and I actually started believing the stories, but a lot of it didn’t make sense. I sometimes could see the teachers struggle whenever I or other pupils asked questions like “but if god flooded the earth during Noahs time, all fish must have survived? Were fish considered to be without sin? Then… why were all the other animals killed?”

Seeing grownups struggle with bad explanations, such as the eternal killer “he works in mysterious ways” is quite painful. It gave me a feeling that was similar to selfconsciousness with the same awareness of not being allowed to say everything.
Fortunately my mother, who is a non-theist ex-protestant, put me right in my place the minute she started noticing I was about to believe in this god thing. But even today, after all those years, I still feel godconscious.

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One Response

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  1. lazfreedman said, on April 17, 2010 at 00:45

    I really enjoyed this article man,Thanks.

    Peace,
    Laz


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